What Is and What Should Never Be

Verboten. Forbidden. Banned.

A school bans a book, and controversy ensues.  TSA has banned a long list of items from being brought on board an airplane, including personal toiletries of more than 3 ounces; but passengers day after day want to bring their gallon jug of Head & Shoulders with them on vacation.  Right off the bat in the Bible, God forbids Adam & Eve from eating fruit from The Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil.  What do they end up eating?

The forbidden things are what we desire the most, because we're told we can't have them.   Plenty of times, growing up, we were told "no."   I couldn't go to a friends house without their parents being home.   Those were the times we had the most fun!   Drinking underage: always had someone who would buy for me.  (My friends and I were pretty safe though, and knew to stay at one home once we got started; that's one thing I'm glad we paid attention to).

As a parent, I am now handing out some healthy doses of Vitamin N to my kids, having the hindsight and knowledge from experiences I had with things that were forbidden to me.   I might take a slightly different approach to things than my parents did, though.

In the tune "What Is and What Should Never Be,"  the narrator weaves a story for us of forbidden love: that of another woman.  According to legend, Robert Plant was having dalliances with his then girlfriend's younger sister, which led to this song.  

And what a song it is.  This is one of my favorite Zeppelin tunes, for so many different reasons.  First, the turn of phrase of the title.  Words have power.  Second, musically, this song just has a lot that I am looking for: Strong guitar, great drumming, solid bass.  The bridge is especially fantastic, with the echo call of the guitar panned across the channels. It's a wonderful experience listening to this song in the car.   Finally, the key phrase for me:

So if you wake up with the sunrise, and all your dreams are still as new, 

And happiness is what you need so bad, girl, the answer lies with you.

First of all, I'm a morning person; I love the sunrise.  Lately I've had opportunity to catch a few of them, and it's been a delight.  Seeing the new of the day develop and knowing there's tremendous promise ahead is a great start to the day. Well, that and a cup of coffee.

The second line is most important, and to guys as well as girls:  Happiness is what you need so bad, the answer lies with you.   I am responsible for my happyness, and my attitude.  I cannot rely on my kids for my happyness; they can add to my happyness, but cannot be responsible for it.  A spouse, partner, lover can supplement happyness, but to have them responsible for my being happy is an unrealistic burden for them to bear.  I have to make the choice.  Some days, I might not be as happy as others.  Did I sleep poorly? Is my health bad?  Are events taking place in the world (globally, locally, personally) that are impacting my attitude or outlook?    We are all going to have bad days.  But I am responsible for making the decision to achieve a higher level of happyness.   And, I know that what is only a "4" for me on a scale of 1 to 10 might be an "8" for someone else.  We need to understand this is a sliding scale here, changing for each person. 

This is one of the chief things I'm trying to impart this to my kids when their attitude gets sour.  We choose how we act. We may not like what is currently going on, but if we approach a problem or a task with a good attitude, our results will  come quicker and we'll feel better about the outcome than we would have if we approached it with a rotten mindset.

Taking in mind the "forbidden" theme from the song, should I consider taking the negative approach in my parenting?  Should I forbid the kids to have a happy attitude?  It's one way we have turned frowns in to giggles here, but I'm going to forsake that for taking the more consistent approach about fostering a happy attitude.  And the first way that comes is by me setting the example.