Nobody's Fault But Mine

Nobody's Fault But Mine

It's a personal trait, some might call it a flaw, but I just think if you mess something up, it's your job to own that you screwed up, and that you should do what you can to make things right.  

Making things right may require great personal cost: Cash outlays for restitution. Maybe it's a lot more time spent re-doing some work on a project because of an error, time spent away from home or rest.  

Making things right can start with the simple words "I apologize for my Oversight/Insensitivity/Mistake."   And while these are words, and may be spoken with a  contrite heart, the words themselves don't fix the wrong.  It takes action.

When re-work is required, we may not even be the ones who made a mistake; the error could have been made by someone else, but the re-work falls on us.   It's happened a lot at work, and I know it will happen again.   What's most important to me is someone taking responsibility to say "I messed up."  It might mean work for me, but if someone takes responsibility, in my world the work is a bit easier to do than in the case where blame is shifted or unacknowledged.

I have done more than my share of re-work on things. It was the right thing to do. It was good for the client, good for the company, and because my boss said I needed to do it, which obviates the need for anyone to say that they messed up.

"Nobody's Fault But Mine" speaks to me on an even more personal way in regard to my alcohol addiction.  I liked drinking beer and cocktails at a social situation, or it at home after work.  At the party, it was to enhance the experience or the meal. At home, to unwind.   I wanted to unwind from the pressures of the day. 

"Unwind" meant "escape." 

"Escape" meant "Hide."

I thought my having a drink would lighten me up, make me easier for others to be around, and for me to be around them.  It would take the edge off.  I didn't realize then I was just wanting to avoid, hide from all the realities this life holds. Bills, disease, work needing to be done, affection and love to those around me.  And I realized too late what price comes with avoiding all those things.

"Nobody's Fault But Mine" is an old delta blues song. This song has been around for ever, as well as the message.

Devil he told me to roll, Devil he told me to roll,

How to roll the log tonight

Nobody's fault but mine

Brother he showed me the gong

Brother he showed me the ding dong ding dong

How to kick that gong to light

Oh, it's nobody's fault but mine

Not booze, but some other drug. Hash? Opium? Weed?   It might come from somewhere else, but at the end of the day, it's the singer's choice to imbibe. It was my choice to drink.

People have said to me, "You were under a lot of stress, working to support your family."  Or, "there's nothing wrong with having a couple drinks. Every guy does that after work. It wasn't just you having the problem at home." 

I don't need others to make excuses for me and my behavior.  To borrow a phrase, it was "nobody's fault but mine."  I messed up.  Not a single beer or cocktail was had under duress. I was a very willing participant.  I made the choice.  And while it was mentioned to me by some that I should cut back, or quit drinking for a bit, that choice was also mine to make.

Got a monkey on my back.

Got a monkey on my back.

Gonna change my ways tonight

Nobody's fault but mine

It doesn't matter how many times or how passionately someone tells an addict to quit; until the addict gets in their head that they need to stop and that the time to stop is now, they aren't going to.  It caused pain for many that I hadn't quit sooner.

I didn't quit sooner, I quit then. I've been staying sober, working my program, and aim to keep that way.  And for other mistakes I make at work, at home, I will take responsibility for them.